dec 24

Men

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a
problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again"
might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a
man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry
you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they
leave skid marks.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying
with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because
they grow up identifying with Barbie.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause.
With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes.
Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive
motorcycles.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's
why men need instant replays in sports. They've already
forgotten what happened.

Barbie

A man goes to the toy store to buy his daughter a birthday
present. Being a real macho guy, he has no idea what to get
her so he asks for some assistance from a clerk.

"I thought I'd buy her a doll", he says, "but which one should
I get?"

"Well, here we have some of the more popular ones. we have
the Malibu Barbie for $12.00, which comes with a bathing suit
and a towel. We have the Ballerina Barbie for $23.00, which
comes with a tutu and a cassette. We have the Aerobics Barbie
for $30.00, which comes with a leotard and a workout CD. And
we have the new Divorce, Barbie for $1500.00."

The man was flabbergasted. "Why does that one cost so much
more than the others?"

"Oh well that's easy.", replied the clerk, "This Barbie comes
with Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's house, Ken's..."


Doctor's Visit

A woman went to a doctors' office and was seen by one
of the new doctors.

But after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she
burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the
problem was, and when she explained, he had her sit
down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded,
'What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old,
she has four grown children and seven grandchildren,
and you told her she was PREGNANT??

The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write
on his clipboard. 'Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?"


The Kindness of a Lawyer

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his
limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then."

"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the
other man.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children!" the second man
answered.

"Bring them as well!" the wealthy lawyer said.

They all climbed into the limo and once underway, one of the
poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking
all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "My pleasure, the grass in my back yard is
about two feet tall."