todays special

Mud Bath

A man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical.
After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry
Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which
only allows you another 6 weeks to live."

"But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better
in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can
do?"

After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start
going down the street to that new health spa and take
a mud bath every day."

Excitedly Bill asked, "And that will cure me?"

"No," Replied the doctor, "but it will get you used to
the dirt."


The Tooth Fairy

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter
on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by
the various necessary appliances, particularly the canes,
walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking
in a glass.

As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions,
she merely turned and whispered, The tooth fairy will never
believe this!"

Patriotism

Remembrance Day was coming up, and the nursery school
teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.

"We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we
should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free."

One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the
room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . . "I'm
not free. I'm four."



Childbirth

It was late at night and Alison, who was expecting her second
child, was home alone with her 3 year old daughter, Katelyn.

When Alison started to go into labor, she called "911." Due to
a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to
the call.

The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked
Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could
see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Alison pushed
and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The
paramedic lifted him by his feet, and spanked him on his
bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help, and asked
the wide-eyed 3 year old Katelyn what she thought about
what she had just witnessed.

Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in
there in the first place. Spank him again!"

The Hunter

A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead
dinosaur, with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he
asked, "Did you kill that?"

The pigmy said, "Yes."

The hunter asked, "How could a little bloke like you kill a
huge beast like that?" The pigmy said, "I killed it with my
club."

The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?" The
pigmy replied, "There are about two hundred of us."

Little Johnny

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at
his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the
table as the food was being served. When little Johnny
received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny wait until we say our prayer."

"I don't have to," The boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer,
before eating, at our house."

"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's
house and her food always turns out good!