Funny

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Snoring

The high school coaches in St. Landry Parish Louisiana went to
a coaches retreat. To save money they had to room together.
No one wanted to room with coach Boudreaux because he
snores so bad. They decide it's not fair to make one of dem
stay wit him the whole time so they vote to take turns.

Coach Fontenot sleeps wit him and he come to breakfast next
morning hair a mess, eyes all blood shot. They say, "Man, what
happen to you?"

He say, "Man, that Boudreaux snore so loud, I watch him all
night."

Next night coach Guidrys turn. In the morning, same thing -
hair all standing up, eyes all blood shot. They say, "Man, what
happened to you? You look awful!"

He say, "Man, no, that Boudreaux shake the roof. I watched him
all night."

Third night, coach Doucet turn. Next morning he come to
breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning you all."

They can't believe! They say, "Man, what happened?"

He say, "Well, we get ready for bed. I go and tuck Boudreaux
into bed and kiss him good night. He watch me all night."

I Descend Into Hell

A college drama group presented a play in which
one character would stand on a trap door and
announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below
would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open,
and the character would plunge through.

The play was well received. When the actor playing
the part became ill, another actor who was quite
overweight took his place. When the new actor
announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand
pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge,
but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging
on the rope could make him descend.

One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled:
"Hallelujah! Hell is full!".

Riddles

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your
new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Riddles II

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

The Gynecologist

A Beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took
one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the
window. He immediately told her to get undressed.

After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While
Doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or
Dermatological abnormalities."

"That's right," said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her Breasts. "Do you know what I am
doing now?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might
indicate Breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his Patient and started having sexual
intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing
now?"

"Yes," she said, "You're getting gonorrhea: which is why I came
here In the first place."

Sarah and the Final Exam

Sarah reported for her university final examination
which consistsn of "yes/no" type questions. She takes
her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question
paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing
the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads
and "No" for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of
the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes,
she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and
sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what
is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm
rechecking the answers".

Two Little Old Ladies

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the
local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

The thin one leaned over and said, "Life is so darned boring.
We never have any fun anymore.

For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that
stupid flower show!"

"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.

The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her
clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old
lady can) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion
inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.
The smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door
surrounded by a cheering crowd.

"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.

"I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement!

The Confession

As soon as she had finished parochial school, a bright young
girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and
made her way to New York where before long, she became
a successful performer in show business.

Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on
a Saturday night went to confession in the church which she
had always attended as a child. In the confessional Father
Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work.
She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he
wanted to know what that meant. She said she would be
happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage. She
stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father
Suliivan, she went into a series of cartwheels,leaping splits,
handsprings and backflips.

Kneeling near the confessional,waiting their turn, were two
middle-aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with
wide eyes and one said to the other. "Will you just look at
the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me
without me bloomers on!"